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Sex and Health

Thaw: Blind date experience leads to reflection about past year in relationships

Post-Thanksgiving and pre-finals made for a crazy Monday, and it wasn’t until I heard from my editor — “He’ll meet you tonight at 7:45 in Food.com” — that I remembered I agreed to be set up on and write about a blind date.

Oh, right. So naturally, my next thought was: What do I wear? But then, as someone who ate twice her weight in deep-fried turkey on Thanksgiving and is in need of a serious detox, my next thought was: How much will he judge me if I order the salad?

Regarding my first question, my non-gym attire has lately favored leather accents and cutouts. One of my best friends inspired me to try this trend, as she believes that my new wardrobe is actually “armor” (maybe). So is all that too much? OK, jeans and a black shirt and a tiny leather accent.

Regarding my second question: What an inaccurate depiction of my appetite. But this holiday was brutal to my belly. OK, judge me. I can’t pass on a salad. I’m already disappointed in myself.

And so at 7:45 p.m. I left class and went to the soft, romantic lighting of Food.com to meet my blind date.



He is an undergrad, and when I first saw him I wondered if he was 18. Truthfully, the age range of men in my life, from 10 years older to two years younger, has proven there is no magical year where the foolishness fades. But if he can’t buy alcohol, then there’s a problem.

Thankfully, he was actually 21.

He was immediately friendly, confident and relaxed. These are things I’m very attracted to in people, because people are just people, and there’s no need to be afraid of them.

Of course, the column’s influence lingered — “I chose this shirt for the anecdote,” he said, gesturing at his fabulously awful flannel shirt speckled with moose and evergreen trees. And there was the vocalized effort to “start and end it appropriately,” as he dashed to open his car door for me. But I indulged. Lately, invites I’ve received have been lazy efforts. This, however, was fun.

As we walked to his car, he handed me three envelopes and had me choose one for our evening. I chose number three: Dave & Buster’s.

Excellent. Active dates are the best kinds. And so we had dinner (yes, salad) in front of Monday Night Football before we talked sports and music between arcade games, many of which he insisted I select. And at the end of the night, he chose the cheap football so that I could get my preferred prize: an Iron Man doll.

A fun evening was made greater because I remembered how a date should be. It should be fun, low-key and genuine.

And in the moment, I had time to muse. I thought back on the year and how funny it was that, in all my romantic endeavors, I was capping off 2013 on a blind date set up by my editor for a column. Not long ago, I wouldn’t have been up for something like this.

My advice: Don’t recall the sorrow that comes from lost love, of a missed opportunity due to fear of rejection, a confusing relationship or the always-wonderful, never-forward “disappearing act.” That’s familiar to us all. But we’re also familiar with the happiness of new connections and experiences.

Things will or won’t work out. Most of the time they won’t, and those past experiences can build walls. But don’t hide behind them. Remember the good, and use it to begin again. Be brave and relax. Whether it leads to coffee, to sex or to stone-cold silence, you took a chance.

A new year is approaching. You deserve one of genuineness and effort.

Jillian is a magazine, newspaper and online journalism graduate student. She believes that “those who live in the past limit their future.” Her column appears every Wednesday in Pulp. Email her at jathaw@syr.edu and follow her on Twitter @jathaw.





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